I haven't written a lot lately. I guess I am busy discovering...the hell I'm just busy with work. This pricing analyst in training has traded her high heels to flats and geeky glasses while crunching numbers five days a week. I also started going to the gym - twice, even thrice a week.
House issues are the same but I am able to elude the stupidity of my grandmother and uncle. Most of the time I arrive really late and leave really early. During weekends, they allow me to be a bum given the nature of my work. It is more fun now since my uncle is busy with a project outside the city so I rarely see him. For now things are fine at home.
Everything seems perfect up to today. I just received a bummer email from my mom about our finances. Hence my gym membership will be on hold after my contract ends as I have to help out in our expenses. Have to shell out a portion of my salary to pay for our utilities. She sent a very lengthy email about power over money and that this is just a temporary situation which we will eventually overcome. I mean honestly, I know we will and by some miracle we were able to surpass some of our financial issues before.
I have no issues helping. It just bugs me that yet again, the youngest sibling will be the one to give up his youth for someone else's benefit.
Our financial issues started when I was in college. We had to cut back with a lot of things. Things that my older siblings had the privilege of having. I promised myself that I'll graduate early as to help out, and so I did. I sort of had to grow up faster and was force to let go of my little joys in life. Now that I'm earning, I am able to spend things for myself yet this happen (again) so I guess I have to return to my sacrifices.
The sad part is, I often feel that they don't care. It irritates me, a lot.
Power over money. I don't have any issues with this one. I just have problems with me giving up my time for myself. That thing that I gave up for them really early. And now I have to do it again. No one seems to notice it. I don't even have someone to compliment me for the things that I have done. But then again that's life. I just have to be strong about it.
Twenty years of concealing the cracks - what's so difficult of concealing them a little longer right? As if anyone cares.
Fake it till you make it. Cheers to broken dreams.