The waiting is the hardest part

I was heading home catching the last train heading north. I was looking forward to my weekend especially now that I'm working five times a week. It is true that once you start working, you value your free time more than before.

It was a Friday night and I plan to have dinner near my place before going home. As I reach for my phone it dawned on me how alone I am. I have a list in my head (my go to buddies so to speak) but given the short notice I reckon they couldn't make it. I starting questioning myself. How on earth did it lead to this?

Ever since I made it a point to not show any sign of weakness. So every time I am out with friends (or crushes) I showcase my tough exterior. Then I got the hang of it that I started being comfortable with the idea of being alone for most part of the day. When I get bored, I find it easy to find a group to kill time then I go back to my regular routine - alone. The only problem with this cycle is when I don't find a group when I get bored (and in this predicament I find myself alone in a train on a Friday night).

I pretended to be okay but I can feel my discomfort that I am not looking forward to anyone at that night and probably the following week. I feel invisible in my own world.

The idea of the one suddenly came into the picture. What if ten years from now he'll come for me. With all the mixed up fantasy I have created in my head - it will be one of the best moments I will ever had. Similar to the movies that I have seen for a thousand of times. Just like any other day we will meet. Perhaps I won't feel like he is the one but fate will evidently lead us together.

But in ten years, who will I be? With my decisions that lead me to this point, will he still fall for me? Or maybe I am asking the wrong question. Will anyone fall for me given my current state of mind? If that is the case that I am far from having him as I am still not the person he will love ten years from now.

I reach my destination. As I alighted the train I figured that if I had to change then he has to be worth the wait.