I have nothing in my head right now. So I choose to visit our province - a four hour drive from the city. Since I can't drive and no one's gonna take me - I'll take the bus.
I'll be leaving in a couple of hours, so I still have time to ponder - things that I'll be expecting in this "journey". Why do I consider it a journey? I'm only visiting. Actually I have no intentions with the people there (my relatives). I just want to step out from the city and see how things on the other side. A place whose people's goals in life are to live in a place where I came from. I want to see their world and how they are - are we the same? I can sense my superiority complex kicking in (I'm sorry I can't stop it but I'll try my best to hide it).
I want to glorify myself with the thought that I am blessed and for that I should be grateful. I will not ridicule them but then again I judge them from where they come from and their way of living. That regardless of my pureness I still judge them like first world countries judge me and my colleagues. But that power struggle is beside the point. I want to see them - their way of living so I can reassure myself that I am in a good place. These selfish actions is what keeps me going, heck it keeps everyone moving forward.
I remember my conversation with a close friend about having children. Her idea of having kids revolves around narcissism. Try as we might to reject the idea it holds true. Everyone wants to leave an imprint of their being in this world and through their kids - they are somewhat immortalize (physical being, traits, beliefs, etc). One of the many examples of humanity's selfish actions.
But I'm not going to dwell on that fact. I'm more concern for my self. I plan to make a visit to our province that is a four hour drive from the city. I'm taking the bus because no one's taking me. I look forward seeing their way of living and would like to know / problematize their growing concern of going to the city - a place where I came from. Common answer would be opportunity. Because in the city - lives become better, everything is better. I don't want to be the bearer of such bad news with regards to their dream so I won't tell the reality here in the city.
Perhaps that's a glimpse of their thoughts. But what about me? What are my reasons for going back? I would like to find solitude. I have been to a couple of provinces and they offer the same thing - they give you time. Time to think. Time to see the world without any "distractions". It allows an individual to find himself as he stares at awe in the beautiful wonders the world offers him. Things that we city people often neglect.
The vast lands offers time. They create dreamers night and day surrounding them with the world's beauty. Dreamers that are not constrained by the reality of the world. Instead, the world gives them a glimpse of what is possible. I just need to understand how these two decide which dream to fulfill in a world that offers a lot but only grants a few.
I plan to escape the life here, just for a moment. I hope to find something worth taking home. It's like an adventure, a journey. Finding something, finding yourself.