The weather's getting cold now.
I peered outside my window catching the last glimpse of rays before darkness sets in. I am troubled. I gathered my thoughts and made a list of all the things that worries me. There's my living condition. It's been four years since I left home and stayed at some relatives house. It bothers me that I feel distant to everyone in this house. Feeling as if I am a burden forced to abide by there rules in addition to there timely reminder of little monetary contribution I make. It connects to the pressure of getting a job. It will be my second month of being unemployed on the birth of Jesus Christ - just great, I'm really looking forward to that one. I had been making follow-ups to my one and only lead and I think the personnel's being irritated by me (so I have to stop that).
Today's the sixth day I haven't set foot outside the house. The house that asks me to do a lot of stuff so as to make me more productive in there eyes. I am living with an old lady who tends to complain about her family's misfortune every meal time. She also talks about how people are so rude that they had to make stories about each other. She's also so proud that she's not the kind of person who gossips, talk about integrity. She also has a son. The one who hates faggots and the country because he thinks of it as a breeding ground for the poor. He hates the less fortunate because of their mannerism or their lack of. Ironically this fellow here has no job and is hiding from authorities for he is indebted a hundred gran. He has an ego a size of a football field. I distinctly remembered this one time that I found this letter asking him to pay for such bill. He asked me that if someone comes to the house and asked to look for him that I shouldn't say his whereabouts. Funny, the way he said it to me. He sounded angry yet feeling as if he's above the law. He makes you feel that he is this big shot personality that could do whatever he wants. He dream is to buy his island and just stay there alone away from people. Whenever I here this about him, I tend to roll my eyes. He couldn't even afford a piece of gum.
This reality saddens me, as I am related to this two nutcase. By the end of the day you have to be proud from where you came from and the other affinity that goes with it. They are my uncle and my grand mother. They kept me after my parents separated. My mom went to California to study and find work. My dad stayed to some place (I'm guessing with his second family) and tries to visit me from time to time. I guess these two folks took pity on my and decided to keep me. Though what bothers me are the daily conflicts - of them making me feel that I am a burden. So much for keeping me in.
Sixteen days before the big night. I am not too excited about it. My grand mother will choose to sleep early. My uncle will spend the night at his girl friend's house and I am welcome to go there. My siblings (yes I have two) I'm guessing have already made plans of their own. So I'll celebrate all the greatness in my room. I have saved enough money to get my by for "special occasion". I'll probably buy a wine, a box of pizza and a DVD.
It's getting cold now. Sixteen days before the special day.