Underwhelmed. The first word that came into my mind after we did it in your car a day ago. It's like all of my expectations of a wonderful time together was thrown outside the window. It wasn't that bad, it's just not what I expected. I didn't even cum for god sake.

Do I like you less? I don't know. I don't even know if I like you that much to begin with. Perhaps it was like the guy in the paradise. Perhaps it was only for the thrill of chasing someone. The thrill and excitement is what motivates me to pursue someone, that I know of myself.

I kinda missing someone right now, and it's definitely not you nor the guy from paradise. It's someone that I never had - another desire that might underwhelm me afterwards. What does this say about me? The person who seeks for something and ends up running away from it.

For sure, it's not love that I am searching for. companion, yes definitely. Someone that I could fuck and hold hands with. No emotional attachment (just drama). It's difficult to know what you really want. Like now, I end up surprising myself. I know that I want love, though I seek for something else.

I am complicated. I'll settle for that now.