I'm scared. Especially when the madness ends and all that's left is that soothing silence. Comforting as it may seem, you know that it will be another horrific moment - disaster seems to lurk whenever someone is at peace.
So I'm scared. Knowing that by the end of this, there will be another dilemma that I might not be able to solve.
Tuesday
Sunday
Life used to be simple. As I recall, my childhood pretty much revolves around dilemmas on where to play and surpassing dull afternoons. I remember sleeping in my mom's bed while she prepares for work. She wakes me up for breakfast with her soothing aura. Everything was easy and I am sheltered.
Thirteen years later I am faced with grown-up work. I guess it's okay, then again I never fully enjoyed my childhood. When I was sixteen, my father failed the family and my mom though it was an irreparable damage. Separation took place. Dad lost his job when we really needed it because my mom just quit to study abroad (wrong timing - a series of unfortunate events). Bottom line, I had to grow up.
I started juggling school and chores. Sometimes I find sources of income as some of my expenses are not being met by my parents. I don't blame them, it's just that I can't seem to say that "life sucks" without hurting anyone. Hence, I can't complain.
We moved to my gram's place so we could save money with the house bills. My mom sends money from time to time while my dad tries his best to help with our school expenses. We are part of the below average earners but with a good education and sense of style, I guess people doesn't notice.
Why am I telling this? Because this pretty much is the foundation of all of my frustrations in life. At first, I am pretty much angry with everyone in the family. My mom use to cry whenever we talk over the phone. Then I realized that regardless of what I do or how I react, nothing happens, no one listens. So I started being reserved in the issue. At times I break down especially when I'm about to explode.
Sadly, no one hears this. Perhaps it is ego or that forty feet wall I built around myself. Still I need the world to see.
Life used to be simple. Years later I found out that it's far beyond what you are told. The challenge is for you to accept it and survive.
Thirteen years later I am faced with grown-up work. I guess it's okay, then again I never fully enjoyed my childhood. When I was sixteen, my father failed the family and my mom though it was an irreparable damage. Separation took place. Dad lost his job when we really needed it because my mom just quit to study abroad (wrong timing - a series of unfortunate events). Bottom line, I had to grow up.
I started juggling school and chores. Sometimes I find sources of income as some of my expenses are not being met by my parents. I don't blame them, it's just that I can't seem to say that "life sucks" without hurting anyone. Hence, I can't complain.
We moved to my gram's place so we could save money with the house bills. My mom sends money from time to time while my dad tries his best to help with our school expenses. We are part of the below average earners but with a good education and sense of style, I guess people doesn't notice.
Why am I telling this? Because this pretty much is the foundation of all of my frustrations in life. At first, I am pretty much angry with everyone in the family. My mom use to cry whenever we talk over the phone. Then I realized that regardless of what I do or how I react, nothing happens, no one listens. So I started being reserved in the issue. At times I break down especially when I'm about to explode.
Sadly, no one hears this. Perhaps it is ego or that forty feet wall I built around myself. Still I need the world to see.
Life used to be simple. Years later I found out that it's far beyond what you are told. The challenge is for you to accept it and survive.
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